Success requires failure

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

Robert F. Kennedy

Throughout your life, you will be presented with millions of opportunities to do thousands of different things.  With each opportunity, you will weigh how you feel this opportunity will benefit you in both the short and long term, and also, how much it can hurt you.  What I have found very interesting in life is how these risks are conveyed in our society.

What you are going to find is there is a contradiction between what the world tells you to do, and what they expect you to do.  On one hand, you have someone telling you to take risks and change the world, and on the other hand you have the same people asking you to deliver perfection.

In using a sports example, let's look at quarterbacks in the NFL to see why this is such a contradiction.  These quarterbacks are tasked with winning every game they can, and if they don't they will likely lose their jobs.  What is worse than losing a game? Being the reason that they lost a game.  And what does this instill?  Make as few mistakes as possible. And what does this cause?  Quarterbacks needing to walk on eggshells, "manage games" and essentially never learn to become great.  Why? Because success requires failure and they are being asked to never fail.  Look back on the best quarterbacks that have ever played and tell me how many didn't fail before they succeeded.  In fact, tell me how many teams have won a championship before they had to go through the heartbreak of failure.  Look at the most successful people in the world, regardless of your definition of success and you will find the same correlation. Yes, there are going to be exceptions, but just look at the numbers and you might be surprised at what you see.

I have always been someone who has wanted to learn and better myself in everything that I do.  However, the times that I learn most, the times that I understand how to take good to outstanding, is in opportunities where I could fall flat on my face -- and in some of those cases I have.  But, every time I have picked myself up off the ground, I came out with ten times the experience that I would have had otherwise.

Stop focusing on what negative things might happen, and start concentrating on what positives that could be.  Whether you could fall short or you could succeed past your wildest dreams, I hope you realize that both of those outcomes are a positive, and the only negative would be never trying.

Having said all of this, it is important to understand the difference between seeking out failure and embracing failure when it happens.  My point is, aim to succeed, but don't be afraid to fail.  Create a mindset where picking yourself up after you fall is not a question of if you can do it, but when you can.

Lastly, try to become attune to other people's views on failure.  The reason I say this is because while you will continually hear advice from people telling you to do this, you are going to be placed into situations where someone is going to be falsely looking out for you. 

If you ever find yourself in a position that you feel like you can do a job or task but someone else is afraid that you won't succeed, ask them to do it anyway.  If they will not allow you to step up to bat, then please, really consider if you should be there.  While it might seem that they have your best interest at heart because they don't want to see you fail, really what they are doing is making certain that you will never succeed.  Run from these situations.  If you are scared of the risk, talk to me, I will support you in any way I can (financially or otherwise) to allow you to not be handcuffed to the risks.

Remember, the only way someone can ever determine your success or fate is if you allow them to.  Never give up the decision of your success.

Life is difficult

"Life is difficult and complicated and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

J. K. Rowling

Life is difficult.  Why is this so important to learn?  Because while I truly believe that anything is possible and we can do and be anything we want in life, rarely is it easy to make our dreams come true.  Rarely are the things that we want most in life easy – and they shouldn't be.  The reason that some of our greatest accomplishments are our greatest accomplishments isn’t always because of what we actually accomplished, but knowing the blood, sweat and tears that it took to achieve.  My greatest accomplishments are simply the exclamation point at the end of a sentence, rarely the sentence itself.

Why is life so difficult? Because life provides you with a plethora of excuses.   Excuses that can provide you with an “okay” life with little to no work needed to accomplish. The problem is that sometimes that isn’t enough – sometimes we want extraordinary. But to accomplish the extraordinary, we might fight, we must grind, and we must stay persistent - and it is taxing.

About 3 years ago, I decided that I could become fit, but I decided the only way I could do it is by taking certain life style changes to make that happen.  What I realized is that some people are blessed with the ability to stay skinny on a normal basis, and for most of my life I secretly hated those people.  “That person can eat whatever they want, never go to the gym, and they look great? Life is so unfair.” Well you know what I realized? That was an excuse.  I used my genes, my body type, my eating habits, my knee, my asthma, anything to tell myself that I should settle for knowing that there were reasons why I was the way I was, and that there were too many things holding me back from ever accomplishing what I wanted.

You know what I said to that? “Fuck that. I am going to make this happen, and I am not going to let any excuse get in my way.” I decided that life can go ahead and be difficult and I am going to accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish anyway.  If it required me to put in ten times the effort than other people, then I will face that head on.

I started going to the gym consistently; I started eating healthy; I started running and I did not let anything become an excuse.   I threw away free desserts on a daily basis (thanks advertising industry), I walked to the gym in the rain and in negative degree weather, I asked for salads at steak houses, and I changed my life.  And you know what? I don't regret one second of it, and I am happy I made those decisions.  Because while some might think it is extreme, it is actually only what it took for me to get in shape.  Life is tough, and maybe I have to give things up and put in more effort than others do in order to accomplish the same thing, but you know what? I still accomplish it.

And I did exactly that.  I lost over 50 pounds, I felt better than I had ever felt in my entire life and I accomplished more than I ever thought I could.

And then what happened? While playing basketball later that year, I busted my knee, legitimately.  And what did I do? I let that become an excuse.  And once I accepted one excuse, I started accepting more.  And one year later, I am back to where I was before I even started my lifestyle change.  And yes my knee is terrible, but I could have road a bike, I could have used an elliptical, I could have done one of hundreds of things to stay in shape.  But I didn’t because “I love running, and if I can’t run, then there is no way I can keep myself in shape.”  And yes, I would love to run again, but seriously, I let that be my excuse for not working out at all?  Well I promise that that is no longer going to be the case.   I promise that I will get back to where I want to be – and hopefully remember this experience so I don’t have to experience it again.  And truthfully, it will likely require you to go through something similar to completely understand this, but I hope that when that day comes, this validates those feelings, and unlike your old man, I hope you don't have to learn it twice.

This is just one example of life being difficult, but only one of many.  There are so many things that I have struggled with in my life.  The thing is, when I embrace that struggle, when I embrace the obstacles that are in front of me, it not only makes it that much sweeter when I accomplish what I want, but more often than not, embracing those obstacles is why I accomplished what I did.

Yes life is difficult, yes life is unfair, but you have a choice: you can strive to be as happy as you possibly can, or you can settle for less.  You can give in to excuses and become someone that you don't want to be or you can decide that it is time to put your life in your own hands.  There is always going to be someone smarter, faster, stronger, and better experienced than you in different areas of your life, but how does that effect your ability to become better at anything and everything? It doesn't. The only person stopping you from the amazing is you.

Take time to enjoy life

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are." 

Bill Watterson

Someone asked the Dalai Lama what surprises him most. He responded: 

"Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived."

Previously, I wrote about the need to live in the now, but I want to write about how we easily get to a point where we aren't in the present.  While related, I do think it is important to understand how we start shifting this way, because once that momentum starts, it is pretty tough to change directions after you have been going down the same path for some time.

This goes beyond stopping to smell the roses; this is going to the florist, buying the roses and really appreciating them.

I recently read an article featuring a terminal brain cancer patient who recently won a marathon.  His advice?

"People shouldn't wait to live until they're told they're dying."

I feel like I read a similar article every couple weeks saying the same exact thing: Stop living in the past and stop living for tomorrow.  Find a way to live in the now.  But the thing I find most interesting are the people that are featured in the articles.

Most have had a big transition in their lives, whether changing jobs, moving geographic locations, mid-life crisis' or in the extreme, diagnosis of cancer.  The point is, there was a forced period in their lives that allowed them to stop and smell the flowers, and when they finally were able to, they realized all that they were missing.

I have always struggled to understand why it is so hard to do, but at times it seems impossible to simply stop and reflect on what is presently going on around me.  There is always something on my to-do list that is demanding my focus. There is always something in my past that I wish I could have done better. There is always an excuse to be busy.

The busy excuse is one that so many people use.  I can't even count the amount of times that when I ask how things are going to a friend or colleague, I get "busy," "everything" or something similar -- and I say similar things.  The response comes without even thinking -- it is as if we all need to be busy. Being busy means that we are important; people need more of our time than we have available; our time is too valuable to waste.  But what does this do?  It never gives us time to stop.  Never gives us time to reflect.  Never gives us time to live in the present because we are already on to the next thing.

I feel like I have been searching for the perfect answer for quite some time, whether it is cherishing the small things, looking into meditation or reading articles and books on the subject.  But the truth? I am making it more complicated than it is.  Every article makes it sound so easy and every response in my bones says "it isn't that simple, it isn't that easy."  But it can be if we just take the time to do it.

Don't wait for a major transition. Don't wait until you have no other choice.  Just stop from time to time and do so intentionally.  Set aside time on your calendar, even if it is just for 5 minutes. Turn off your digital connections.  Take time to appreciate the beauty and wonders that this world has to offer and I promise you will never ask for that time back.